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 nostalgic |
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I just found an old type of recordings my brother, cousin, and I made when we were like 7 or 8.
Now Witness our genius as we perform our own talk show.
SIDE A
JOHN (my cousin): Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open slay!
*stop*
RYAN (my brother): That was just my stupid John cousin..... Cousin John, yeah that's it. Oh yeah, I'm looking at the
encyclopedia of Sex and Health. (It's TRUE! that's what he said!) *laughs* Mi mi mi mi! *puckers* Kiss kiss kiss and a-all that good junk! That book, whatever you do don't look inside that book. Whatever you do don't look at page fifty-six....... It's really sick. *gibberish* Hey I'm talking to my assitant, she will look at page 56 and she will be screaming.
ME: *I cough in the background, I think I'm looking at the book*
RYAN: Let's see if she screams!...... *5 secound pause*
ME: "I'M NOT SCREAMING!"
RYAN: *screams on his own, it sounds hilarious* WHoa! Melinda, you better; you better be happy that's not recording right now. I hope it's not. *makes werid kid nosies* Okay! Lets hear our next coustomer! Let's see, what's your name? *slight pause*
STILL RYAN: *in a flat voice* My name is Tom Hanks. (XD!!!!) I played Forest Gump, Apollo 13, usually all that good junk.
RYAN: Okay so how did you get in the movie bussiness?
RYAN/ TOM HANKS: I was two years old when I burped. Somone heard it, someone heard it on fifth avenue and they yelled "TALENT KID!, TALENT KID!" Ever since then I've been playing in movies! Let's hear it! (Again, I'm not making this stuff up.)
RYAN: Your not suppose to say that.
RYAN/TOM HANKS: Oh yeah sorry.
RYAN: *makes static sound* CCCTH.
*stop*
(Theres a huge pause here. Then it starts up and it seriously sounds like big foot talking)
BIG FOOT?: *this is all I could make out* ..............THe musics terrible.................Now lets here it from Alvin the screaming kid...
*stop*
(Another pause, shorter this time, now it sounds like a boy band member, I REALLY wish I knew who this was. I'll make a guess.)
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE?: What's up? *sings...sorta* Wuz up foo, with a; where da bird go?
*stop*
(Now it sounds like we have snoop dog on the line)
SNOOP DOG?: Yo, wuz up foo, we just chillin' a little sumthin', a little sumthin has a base drop, ya know what I mean? Here it go, here it go...
*theres music asbout 'powa' in the background with makes me thing I may have a multi-million dollar type if these guys later went platnium*
SAME SNOOP DOG GUY: Yo whats up? *a guy is still singing in the bacground* *calls to him* Dynamite! What up foo, What up bird? Know what I mean. Yeah, we just up here chillin', alittle sumthin', sumthin' me and this boy John (my cousin!?!?!), you know. We done broke Brain's (NOT Ryan's) shit yesterday. *gibberish* From these hills, peace.
*stop*
(I wonder if the Justin Timberlake guy was really my cousin... guess I'll never know....Unless I ask him! Bwahahaha!)
SIDE B
(At this point I flip the type, there is a recordings of people talking. Intresting. Oh wait, it's just Jerry Springer. This countinues for awhile. All there while a popcorn bag shuffles.)
*stop*
(Cuts in to my Grandpa singing in a choir. "Jesus, our savior" are the ONLY words in the whole song. Hmmm... something sounds cult-y)
*stop*
(Cuts into Simba singing how much he can't wait to be king. The whole song. 0o')
*stop*
(Here there's a long pause. Oh wow! It's Big Foot again!"
BIGFOOT: Hi everybody this isssssssssssssssss*
*stop*
(Aw. Long Pause.)
ME! (yay!): *in a little girl diva voice* Hellooooooooo I am here, Spanky (0o!). On this date that I would like to do something about thisssssssssssssssssssss! *sigh* *talking to Ryan in the Background* Oh! What?
RYAN: *uses his hands to make a fart noise in the background*
ME: ........Okay.
*stop*
RYAN: Ryan's log. I'm am standing with my butthead sister, for all this time. Over. CCTH.
ME and RYAN: *we both are heard laughing*
ME: Now I get to do mine for a little.
RYAN: Kay.
*stop*
RYAN: [ME: *in the Background* Ryan, lemme see that!] Ryan's Log again! I am still standing with my butthead sister. I can't wait to get reloads for my cap gun. I wonder when Granma and Granpa are gonna be back, I miss them. Over! CCCTH!.
RYAN: Ryan's log number three. I am sick of my sister, please kill her. Over! CCTH.
RYAN: *to me* Shut up! Alvin and the Chipmunks stink! *both laughing* Ryan's log number Four! I am still sitting with my butthead sister. I wonder when *gibberish* ...............CCTH! *laughs* [ME: *in the backgound* Ryan. now I really want it!] My sister thinks she is a cat, but my sister in disguse is a pig! (There's a loooooooong story behind that one.) *laughs*
*stop*
RYAN: [Me: Lemme see it....!] Apllo 13! Houston we have a problem, Over! CCTH-CCTH. The problem is my butthead has farted. My butthead sister is a total *CLOSE, PERSONAL CHILD PROFANITY*.
[Me: I told you to just say nothing.]
*stop*
RYAN: [Me: Lemme say something!] No, I'm gonna record something! Dodo; what tell me something to record. [Me: Uh.................................................................................................] I'm getting really sick of this* [Me: BLAH!!!!! NARF OR NOTHING! MY BROTHER IS A *CLOSE, PERSONAL CHILD PROFANITY*! I HOPE YOU KNOW THIS IS RECORDING NOW! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK; SAY ANYTTHING! NASCAR CHALLENGE! HE'S ON A ROLL! AND HE FARTS; HIS CAR'S OUTTA CONTROooooooooooooL!] *laughing* Kay!
*stop*
Ryan: Hey Type! Hey Type you are a butthead! Hey type! Are you a butthead? Wait, I really wanna record this. *makes the strangest noise you will ever head..whoa.* *talking to me* Okay now say something, say your thingy-magigy that you wanna say.
ME: (I have obviously (finally) stolen the recorder from Ryan) In your face! Da Da Da! Now let's [RYAN: Don't listen to her!] hear it for my Nerf Thing! [Ryan: Don't listen to her,she's a butthead, type, okay?] NO way! Listen to me! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!
[RYAN: Me me! *makes fart noices*] MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!
*stop*
Ryan: Ryan's log. [ME: NOT!]
*there's lots of gibberish as he fight over the recorder, and the winner is....*
ME: OKAY! Now lets listen to my first anaual anniversery log! [RYAN: NOT!] LETS HEAR IT!! Okay, lets do it!
*stop*
ME: *coughing*
RYAN: Hold on I'm gonna record this! *statis sounds* Okay record you thing. Okay listen to it.
Me: Na na na na nanana na na na! Na na na na! Mr. Snakely here is singing his first un-snake-like song. He goes around around around, oh looks like he's dead, now lets hear what he said, *to Ryan* Replay it *CLOSE, PERSONAL CHILD PROFANITY*.
*stop*
(A long pause. Big foot's cat. NOTE: Not a real cat.)
BIG FOOTS CAT: Meoooooooooooooooow. Meoooooooooooooooooooow. SSFT! SSFT!
(Longest pause. There seems to have been no activity on this part of the type. Eventually Big Foot is on again, can't make out what he says again. Pause. Then the sound of a real cat fight.... with REAL cats. Someone records but says nothing and nothing is heard. Stops and does it again and you can hear objects moving.)
~THE END
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